Welcome to "The Girdle Diaries" this is a blog for me to keep track of my weight, and to talk about my body issues. I am going to keep this blog to help me lose weight the healthy way - while discussing how I feel about my body.

28th March 2011

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chubb-rolls.

chubb-rolls.

28th March 2011

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 My husband said I need to accept who I am, talking about my weight, and being heavy-set..This really depressed me, because this isn’t who I want to be.

I don’t fucking know anymore. At this point I want to lock myself in a room and cry for hours.

When he wants to lose weight, I am supposed to drop everything, when it’s something I want it’s stupid.

I just want to give up.

25th March 2011

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25th March 2011

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side view

side view

23rd March 2011

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:(

Went shopping today after I got home, went to Walmart in search of new jeans..This did not go well..

I had to buy a size 18 :( Even though I realize not all jeans are cut the same, or run the same size it upsets me. I haven’t been wearing a girdle, ok? And this is the first time I’ve ever tried on jeans without one on, and I had to get a size 18 - they are smaller than a few pairs of my Cato size 16’s in the thigh, which is where I have the biggest issue when buying jeans. They are about the exact same size as the 16’s I bought a Rose’s, and the brand was St. John’s Bay.

It made me feel really shitty about myself in the changing room, especially since I fucking lost 6 lbs. I cried the entire way home, and all I could think about was how much I needed that girdle. I feel incomplete without it :/ I hope this feeling changes soon..and the weird part is my mom, dad, and husband all think I look slimmer without the girdle - sure, my belly is roll-ish, but I don’t appear as wide as I did. I don’t know.

This low self esteem may be the death of me.

21st March 2011

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Just walked on the treadmill for an hour, and burned almost 300 calories :)

Then I did laundry, folded two entire hampers full, and put them away. And finally took a shower…only for Aiden to pee on me by accident :( lol

So my workout felt great, except because I’m having such a heavy flow this month I bled extra heavy, and got awful cramps..maybe an hour was a little much? I don’t know.

Anyway I am exhausted, I just hope I can sleep tonight.

19th March 2011

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winterlungs replied to your post: So I have decided no more girdles…ever. Last…

You can do it girlie! It’s your body, own it.

Thanks Kayla :) I’m trying to find myself, without having the added smoke & mirrors. Even then I was never satisfied…so why be constantly uncomfortable? I have rolls, no one else has to love them - but damnit I will.

<3

19th March 2011

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So I have decided no more girdles…ever.

Last night and today were the first times I’ve worn jeans, or any other kind of pants without a girdle since the 8th grade. Since I was 14-15yrs. old and I’m almost 23.

I wish I could say it feels good, but it doesn’t…I feel anxious, depressed, paranoid people are looking at my hideous body and so forth. none of my clothes look the same, better or worse I’m still unsure. I guess if I don’t like the way they look it’s more motivation to lose weight, as I haven’t the money to buy new clothes.

Also, weighed myself today, 249lbs.

That’s -6lbs.

I’m happy, but I wish 6lbs looked like more on my body. :/

14th March 2011

Photoset

Today’s workout was a little scattered.

I walked for 67min at Menards while looking for new locks and such, followed by a 40min. break [car ride]

Came home, and walked 28min. on the treadmill, and then did 15min. on a Stair-Master for my legs.

To be honest, I’m rather exhausted tonight..mainly because I cleaned all day, and chased after my son.

In the picture of my abdomen above, I am NOT wearing a girdle. This is all natural. I am wearing a Size Large T-shirt, and the pants are a size XL. Not flattering, but hopefully soon I can be confident enough to wear my clothes without a girdle.

14th March 2011

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Going to walk for 45mins or so..

Just need to clear my head, and burn some calories.